48 million women attend church every week while only 35 million men do. That’s a gender imbalance of 13 million people, and a reason why churches need to become man-friendly–according to David Murrow, author of Why Men Hate Going To Church.
“[Murrow] concluded that today’s church culture favors, even expects, participation in intimate, nurturing behavior such as singing, hand-holding, sitting…
Why Do Men Hate Church?
Benji J K
April 9, 2009
Wow… So much insight from this topic. I myself am 29 years old and serving/learning as a youth pastor, and I do admit that I have so much to learn, and I’m learning from both the opinions and thoughts of christians and non christians alike, from those that do go to church and those that don’t, and it all shows me that its us, the churches that need to learn.
I am not saying that churches turn into a system that simply pleases people and follows their every whim and fancy. I am completely against seeker friendly churches cos in almost all cases, they end up compromising and like someone pointed out above, the message becomes wishy washy and they’re too scared to upset anyone. But we do have a lot to learn from the way Jesus taught and led by example. Unlike cryptblade’s comments, yes Jesus did know the entire word of God, the entire truth, and yet used it gently and with humility rather than force it on people. He didn’t go around accusing men of being wrong constantly, instead He simply taught the word of God with love. Jesus’ example never describes a CEO leader, rather He set the example of a servant and even washed His disciple’s feet – something that’s very hard for modern day church leaders to understand. Your role is not to establish yourself as a pastor or a leader, your job is to uplift and uphold, men, women and children alike. I am learning this myself too, and this is much more effective than simply standing on a pulpit and preaching. I have served under leaders who are so effective at giving out instructions and instituting programs in the churches for people to follow (and I hate that), and also under church pastors who rolled up their sleeves, and came out to work with us digging the ground for a whole day with shovels and spades to build a church. Jesus didn’t show up on a horse/donkey (Lexus/Mercedes), instead He walked with His discples everywhere (that’s a leader I can grow to love).
Men were created to be warriors – strong and courageous, leaders, and not people to be constantly told to submit submit submit. God fearing men already understand authority. They were created to stand guard (physically and spiritually) in their homes and churches; where a man is passive, the devil has a foothold. Yes they do have to understand the flow of authority, they also do have to understand the Word of God and learn humility so that their actions and desires don’t go outside the will of God. They do have to understand that a better leader is always a better servant.
I’ve seen parents (men) today that are so passive they can barely tell their kids what’s right and wrong, what they can or can’t do anymore. What’s happened? Don’t you know that’s what the devil wants? He wants men to be passive and submissive to the wrong extent so that then he can do what he wants. The authority that God gave to men is being taken away slowly. Fathers can no longer spank their kids or risk going to jail because discipline is now in all cases misconstrued as abuse. People don’t discern between fathers who are abusing and those that are simply trying to be good parents.
Its true, in Moslem culture, men are revered and respected and due authority is given to them and look at the power of those men; unfortunately misguided.
I’m watching the news right now and men have become so effiminate to the point where the gay community is significantly growing and where are the men who stand up to be strong fathers and voice out against this? Where are the men who set up strong examples in their homes and can boldly say that this is wrong?
Men have become passive today and its a battle that the churches should fight and avoid, instead enriching men, strengthening them not suppressing them, and upholding and uplifting them. We don’t want to be have a scenario of Adam and Eve where he sat doing nothing while Satan tempted Eve. If Adam was paying attention, he could’ve prevented it….
Wes
October 24, 2009
I think the problem is that we’re too busy looking at people’s gender instead of at God.
So we make Men’s Ministries, Women’s Ministries, Teen Ministries, Singles Ministries, Couples Ministries, Senior Ministries.
Coming soon to a Church near you: Vegan Ministries for those who abhor eating meat, Electronic Ministries for those who dislike reading books, Classic Ministries for those who can’t stand contemporary, Modern Ministries for those who think that classic is too stuffy, and Lite Ministries who think that Church is just too long and boring.
When will God’s people understand that Church is about our relationship with God and His relationship with us? When will we start serving Him and stop asking God to serve us?
AK
October 28, 2009
There’s an awful lot of speculating and an awful lot of hating going on here. How sad. I’m new on this site, but if all the comments are this negative and contrary, remind me not read them anymore. This is a real downer!
Jon
January 21, 2010
I’ve been faithfully going to church for many years. I am a church leader, here in the UK. However, with a congregation of 40 we only have 5 men and of these men I have nothing in common with them apart from our christian beliefs. I know thats important but I’m beginning to lose it.
I attend, I listen to a man (normally) preach ( a good message) and sing some songs.
After the service I stand and force myself to talk to people, do the right thing, but realy have nothing in common.
I leave church in a bad mood. My kids don’t want to attend as there are only 4 other kids their age, and I’m probably not a good example as church makes me feel like its all a waste of time.
However, when I don’t attend, the difference is remarkable. I’m relaxed, in a good mood, and have a great day, the kids are happier and all without church.
What can I say, as a church leader!!
Church holds no relevance for me at present.
Am I in a bad place?
Yes, but I don’t think I’m all to blame like some would say. I think church also is responsible for the way I feel.
Shari
March 10, 2010
I’m so saddened by some of the comments here. Church is not the place where you will grow spiritually. Your face in the Bible on a daily basis and your knees on the floor in prayer is where you will find a Holy God.
Church is the place where you go to share with other believers and be encouraged in your faith. If you’re not in God’s word daily and on your knees in prayer, you won’t find this fellowship anywhere.