I'd like to add a few things from a mom's perspective. The article mentions that some children may not know how to act in church. We went from a rock and roll church to a liturgical with organ type of church and there was definitely some adjustment time for our daughter. We were already a little embarrassed that she didn't know how to act but we felt really humiliated when we heard people whispering that we should take her to the nursery. We weren't ready to drop her with strangers that we hadn't evaluated yet.

Also, it is very, very important that members, especially ushers, be trained on how to treat a breastfeeding mother. Whatever individual members of the church may feel about breastfeeding in public, it is important that they keep their mouths shut. If a mother asks where she may breastfeed, the best answer is "anywhere you feel comfortable". If she wishes for a private area, its appropriate to direct her there, but it should be somewhere that she can continue to participate in the service. A bathroom is *never* acceptable. Most mothers try to be discreet and would feel terribly embarrassed to have someone try to cover them. Simply look away if it makes you feel uncomfortable.

The birth of a child is often the milestone that makes people stop and think about their spiritual life. Many people come to church for the first time or come back to church during this period, so it is imperative that we make new parents feel welcome and not embarrassed.

Having the members stand up while the visitors sit down is, possibly, my least favorite thing I've ever experienced in a church.

Way to make your visitors feel as awkward as possible!

Are we talking Christian or non-Christian visitors. Some of this is based on a personality thing, too. I, for one, when I get a chance to visit a church, consider the welcome second, after the worship service. This is especially true if I'm just visiting, and not planning on staying... which isn't the whole point of the blog, but it is an aspect worth looking at, too.

Actually, age and feeling comfortable with ones-self makes a difference. Us old people believers often (most of us) are impressed when people desire to meet us. At least, it shows that someone is trying to do something positive. Some people will not be happy with anything a church does because it represents Jesus. Motive also makes a difference.

I don't think the most important question is "What will make the visitor most comfortable?", although that is surely an important factor.

I think the most important question is, "What is God trying to say to this person, in what might be their only attendance at a church service in their entire life?"

If you've only got one shot, what is it that you want to convey to this person, on behalf of God himself?

These are the questions I've been wrangling with as I'm visiting churches and reporting on them in my blog: revolutionfl.blogspot.com

REVOLUTION

I oversee the welcome ministry in my (small) church. I train my team to warmly welcome each person and introduce themselves to anyone they don't already know. 99% of the time you can tell if someone is visiting and they will let you know in their body language if they want to be engaged for more in depth discussion or if they just want to know where to go and what to do. If you can read them and respond accordingly you can tailor your style to meet their needs--but I've found that even if they don't want to chat they still want you to tell them what to expect during the service.

Research shows (either Barna or Rainer, I'd have to check) that visitors make up their minds in the first 7 minutes of arriving on campus if they're going to come back--way before they have a chance to experience music or hear the message. I train my team to imagine that everyone who's coming in has never been to any church before--if this is their first experience with a church, we have the obligation (and honor) to be Christ's hands and feet for them and make them feel as special as He would.

I don't want to play too heavy with semantics, but as I read this, the term "visitor" jumped out at me. It has become a perfectly acceptable, useful way of describing someone who attends a worship service or event inside a local church. But I wonder if it isn't in some way at the root of the issues we, local adherents to God's Church, so often struggle with.

What I mean is that when I say, "You are a visitor," I am also saying, "I am not." And, "I am not a visitor," has all kinds of less flattering implications. I can't help but think we imply some kind of unnecessary "them" versus "us" mentality. That we imply that we have some standing in the organization that they don't. That we have some inside knowledge they don't. Some ownership they don't. That are members and they are not.

I bring this up because I think this sense of hierarchy, ownership, membership, institution, and such is among the great barriers to effective outreach. I can't help but wonder if when some unknown someone walks through the doors of the church I attend, if they are they entering a church or The Church.

I agree with chuck 100% about what "visitor" means. So much so that we have tried at our church to in effect "ban" the word.

The hardest thing is when someone from the congregation does the "hi, are you a visitor" or "is this your first time here?" thing. I feel like calling out the "are you a visitor linebacker."

We train our teams to say "Hi, my name is ****" to anyone they do not personally know, not just someone they think is a first-time visitor.

Any suggestions?

I have to very much disagree with part of the comment above concerning breastfeeding. A woman who finds no problem breastfeeding her child in an auditorium full of people may not ask if there's anyplace else she can go to breastfeed. She'll just go to it right there, regardless of anyone else's comfort level. And let's face it, it's not the most comfortable thing in the world for some people to witness. I mean, to a guy who looks at the wrong moment, it's a boob shot in church.

I see no problem in directing a breastfeeding mother to a less conspicuous area, if she should ask. I think having chairs available at or near the back of the auditorium are helpful. Our church has that, as well as chairs and video monitors with sound in our foyer and our Little Fellows area (nursery) so that people can still watch and listen to the message if they have to do more personal business. Besides, most mothers that are first time GUESTS (there's a word for you) at a church might not feel comfortable with whipping it out and having the kid go to town in the middle of a crowd of people, anyway.

For any ushers, they need to be aware that the worst thing you can do is direct a mother who's already breastfeeding out of the auditorium or sanctuary. Not only will it be disruptive to some, but it will draw more attention to that person, which can be even more embarrassing.

And if you think the statues of consideration don't apply to you simply because you're a breastfeeding mother, you are sorely mistaken. You must be conscious of the feelings of others, whether your baby is hungry or not.

Well said. I completely agree regarding the breastfeeding. I think that if that happened near me while I was at church to learn something; all I would be able to think about during the service is that this other person has the boldness to do that in church! If this were to happen it may, in fact, even cause me to switch where I was sitting in the service! I am completely in agreement.

I think Chuck is on to something. We tried attending services at a chuch with a large congregation for awhile. After the first Sunday when we were asked the visitor question it was amusing. After we had been attending for a month and no one recognised us we gave up.

Another experience we had was the Sunday my family attended the church one of co-workers is a member of. As we were going into the church, I saw him acrosse the parking lot and waved. He didn't acknowledge me. Then we got inside and the place was packed with several hundred worshippers. Not one person came up to greet us before, during or after the service. We slipped out as invisibly as we had arrived. While I think this reception was just the way they handled visitors, I can't help wondering to this day if part of the cold shoulder was because my family is African-American and the church was white, not just the people, but the entire church was white.

Some years later, the pastor of the church taught my homiletics course. I told him about the experience and at first he was quite defensive. And then he thought about it for awhile and we had a good conversation about it.

I think that at some churches, people don't talk to you because they don't want to make the mistake of greeting a long time attender as a visitor. Now that's embarrassing for all concerned.